/r/offmychest

I feel ugly and it bothers me way too much.

This is probably stupid little opening about something I still consider rather vain.

But it bothers me. Way too much.

I've never been pretty. But I've been happy with my looks anyway. Happy with myself. I still am, in some level.

I've never learned to do make-up properly so my solution was that I don't need it. I'm 23 and last time I had make-up on my face I was 16 years old. I'm always been that kind of girl that is not really into looking good - it wasn't important thing for me. I have always thought that personality and thoughts are the most important part in human. "No amount of makeup can cover up an ugly personality."

I've always been kind of tomboy-ish. I rather go shooting range than spend hours of grooming myself. Simple ponytail is enough and I'm good to go. I like getting my hands dirty and darn how sexy I feel in my combat boots. I even have education to a job where I can't keep jewelry or nail polish due to safety reasons. I've been happy with this until now.

I've lately started to feel that I'm probably too intimidating for people or even ugly. Or both. No one wants to talk to me in the internet if they see my face and that's the reason I hate to show myself to anyone. I hate if anyone asks for a pic because I want to send it but I always know what happens.

And it really, really bothers me. Because I don't understand what makes me look so bad no one can has conversation with me. Even if they have happily talked before seeing me. Talking to me doesn't mean having sex or anything, I just like to talk. No innuendos.

I'm not sure which bothers me more: the fact that I'm ugly or that it actually bothers me this much. (Does this make any sense? It bothers to be bothered.. I don't how to say it, lol.)

Sometime ago I decided to do something to myself so I would feel better about myself. I bought skin care supplies and so on. I've never really had bad skin but I thought I could improve still. I've been planning on buying make-up supplies as well but I'm not ready for that big changes yet and I kind of hate it because I used to smudge my face in some point of wearing it. Eww. Next thing was to buy some clothes that would make me feel more girlish because that's something I want to feel, I guess. So, few days ago I tried to online shopping high heels as I have never had such things in my life and I was curious about them. Somehow I ended up searching good ALICE belt because that's been on my "need to buy" -list for some time now. Like, what the hell is wrong with me :D

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I'll tell you what the hell is wrong with you: NOTHING!

Dont ever fucking be sorry for who you are. Ever.

But lets get the obvious stuff out of the way. Alot of people see looks before they can see a personality. Those people are(usually) the type of people you dont want taking an interest in you in the first place. Because looks fade away. Attitude stays and thats the best part.

If you want to change yourself up, go right ahead. But dont lose your identity. There will always and forever only be ONE Maastopalo and im pretty freaking happy about that.

Another thing I like about you, your priorities aren't dead set on trying to be eye candy for anyone. Fuck that. You bring more to the table. As a guy, ill take you over some bimbo any day.

But let me give you a little bit of insight: if you have guy friends, chances are one of them likes you and has wanted you for a while. Its inevitable. Especially if you are exactly how you describe yourself. I haven't seen you, haven't met you and dont know anything past what you just posted and I feel like I want to know you more. If I feel this way, im 100% sure someone you know does too.

Send your pics and dont be afraid. Display who you are, puff your chest out and be proud of yourself. Dont sell yourself short and dont ever put yourself down. You have AMAZING qualities.